Freebsd Fortunes 5

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.  Now, if
        you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

Q:      How many marketing people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      I'll have to get back to you on that.

Q:      How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      None:  The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q:      How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A:      One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
        to the earlier joke.

Q:      How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
        light bulb?
A:      Seven.  Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
        the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
        Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim
        that he's a doctor, not an electrician).  Scotty, after checking
        around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
        that he "canna" see in the dark.  Kirk will make an emergency stop at
        the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
        from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
        Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
        beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
        killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
        As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
        Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
        warp out of orbit.  Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
        and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
        just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
        given all lightbulbs they can carry.  The new bulb is then inserted
        and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

Q:      How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light
                bulb?
A:      Three.  One to do it, one to watch, and the third to shoot the
                witness.

Q:      How many pre-med's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:      Five:  One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder
        out from under him.

Q:      How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
        to really want to change.

Q:      "How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
A:      "Twelve; one to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven to self-destruct
        the ship out of disgrace."

        [Warning: do not tell this joke to Romulans or else be ready for
        a fight.  They consider this it to be a discrace, though it's
        pretty good for a LBJ.  Ed.]

Q:      How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:      Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
        with brightly colored machine tools.

        [Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur.  Ed.]