Freebsd Fortunes 5

My soul is crushed, my spirit sore
I do not like me anymore,
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse,
I ponder on the narrow house
I shudder at the thought of men
I'm due to fall in love again.
                -- Dorothy Parker, "Enough Rope"

My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
                -- Christopher Morley

My uncle was the town drunk -- and we lived in Chicago.
                -- George Gobel

My way of joking is to tell the truth.
That's the funniest joke in the world.
                -- Muhammad Ali

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.
                -- Booth Tarkington

mythology, n:
        The body of a primitive people's beliefs, concerning its origin,
        early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
        from the true accounts which it invents later.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Naches (rhymes with Bach' us, with "Bach" pronounced like the composer)
is what every Jewish parent wants from their children, lots of good
returns, good grades, good spouse, good grandchildren.

So, now that you all understand naches, the joke:

Two Jewish women are sitting having coffee.
        "So, how's your daughter?"
        "Oh, Rachel!  She's fine, she just married a dentist!"
        "Really?  Isn't she the one that married the lawyer?"
        "Yes, that's my Rachel."
        "That's... that's nice.  But isn't she the same one that married
                the doctor?"
        "Yes, that's her!"
        "But didn't she marry a bank executive before that?"
        "Yes, yes!"
        "Ahhh.  So much naches from one child!"

Nachman's Rule:
        When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better.
                -- Gerald Nachman

Nadia Comaneci, simple perfection.
                -- '76 Olympics