Freebsd Fortunes 5

Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next time
some housewife or boutique owner turned diet expert appears on TV to plug
her latest book.  And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for eating coffee
cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself the following questions:

1: Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts a food?
2: Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich
        exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me?
3: Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as prescribed...
        without French-fried onion rings, pizza with double cheese, or the
        occasional Mai-Tai?  (Remember, living right doesn't really make
        you live longer, it just *seems* like longer.)

That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.

Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST...

Now there's a violent movie titled, "The Croquet Homicide,"
or "Murder With Mallets Aforethought."
                -- Shelby Friedman, WSJ.

Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game:
you can win or you can lose or it can rain.
                -- Casey Stengel

Now you're ready for the actual shopping.  Your goal should be to get it
over with as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in the mall,
the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs on the mall
public-address system, and many of these songs can damage children
emotionally.  For example: "Frosty the Snowman" is about a snowman who
befriends some children, plays with them until they learn to love him, then
melts.  And "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is about a young reindeer who,
because of a physical deformity, is treated as an outcast by the other
reindeer.  Then along comes good, old Santa.  Does he ignore the deformity?
Does he look past Rudolph's nose and respect Rudolph for the sensitive
reindeer he is underneath?  No.  Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as
if Rudolph were nothing more than some kind of headlight with legs and a
tail.  So unless you want your children exposed to this kind of insensitivity,
you should shop quickly.
                -- Dave Barry

Nowlan's Theory:
        He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from
        the next freeway exit.

Now's the time to have some big ideas
Now's the time to make some firm decisions
We saw the Buddha in a bar down south
Talking politics and nuclear fission
We see him and he's all washed up --
Moving on into the body of a beetle
Getting ready for a long long crawl
He  ain't nothing -- he ain't nothing at all...

Death and Money make their point once more
In the shape of Philosophical assassins
Mark and Danny take the bus uptown
Deadly angels for reality and passion
Have the courage of the here and now
Don't taking nothing from the half-baked buddhas
When you think you got it paid in full
You got nothing -- you got nothing at all...
        We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha.
        We know his name and he mustn't get away.
        We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha.
        It would take one shot -- to blow him away...
                -- Shriekback, "Gunning for the Buddah"

Nuclear powered vacuuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
                -- Alex Lewyt (President of the Lewyt Corporation,
                   manufacturers of vacuum cleaners), quoted in The New York
                   Times, June 10, 1955.

[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
                -- Edwin Meese III

Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
normal routines, for children and adults alike.
                -- Willard F. Libby, "You Can Survive Atomic Attack"