Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday January 17, 2015

If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.

There once was a fellow named Bob Who in sexual ways was...
There once was a fellow named Bob Who in sexual ways was a snob. One day he was swimmin' With twelve naked women And deserted them all for a gob.

There was a young fellow from Florida Who liked a friend's...
There was a young fellow from Florida Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her. When they got into bed He cried, "God strike me dead! This ain't a cunt -- it's a corridor!"

There was a young man of high station Who was found by a pious...
There was a young man of high station Who was found by a pious relation Making love in a ditch To -- I won't say a bitch -- But a woman of no reputation.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with...
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity. -- Edsger Dijkstra

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

That's life. What's life? A magazine. How much does...
That's life. What's life? A magazine. How much does it cost? Two-fifty. I only have a dollar. That's life.