Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday January 28, 2015

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle...
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. -- Gloria Steinem

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own...
A woman's best protection is a little money of her own. -- Clare Booth Luce, quoted in "The Wit of Women"

A woman's place is in the house... and in the Senate.
A woman's place is in the house... and in the Senate.

A word to the wise is enough. -- Miguel...
A word to the wise is enough. -- Miguel de Cervantes

A would-be disciple came to Nasrudin's hut on...
A would-be disciple came to Nasrudin's hut on the mountain-side. Knowing that every action of such an enlightened one is significant, the seeker watched the teacher closely. "Why do you blow on your hands?" "To warm myself in...

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that...
A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction. -- William Faulkner

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl...
There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder. But the girl thought it crude, To be wooed in the nude, So McGru took an oar and subduder.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...