Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday January 25, 2015

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long...
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. -- James Thurber

A handsome young rodent named Gratian As a lifeguard became...
A handsome young rodent named Gratian As a lifeguard became a sensation. All the lady mice waved And screamed to be saved By his mouse-to-mouse resuscitation.

There once was a girl from Madras Who had such a beautiful...
There once was a girl from Madras Who had such a beautiful ass - It was not round and pink ( as you bastards think ) But had two ears, a tail, and ate grass.

There once was a horny old bitch With a motorized self-frigger...
There once was a horny old bitch With a motorized self-frigger which She would use with delight All day long and all night - Twenty bucks: Abercrombie & Fitch.

There once was a jolly old bloke Who picked up a girl for...
There once was a jolly old bloke Who picked up a girl for a poke. He took down her pants, Fucked her into a trance, And then shit into her shoe for a joke.

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There was a young lady named Banker, Who slept while the ship...
There was a young lady named Banker, Who slept while the ship lay at anchor, She woke in dismay, When she heard the mate say, "Now hoist up the topsheet and spanker."

There was a young lady named Etta Who was constantly seen in...
There was a young lady named Etta Who was constantly seen in a swetta. Three reasons she had: To keep warm wasn't bad, But the other two reasons were betta.

There was a young man from Lynn Whose cock was the size of...
There was a young man from Lynn Whose cock was the size of a pin. Said his girl with a laugh As she felt his staff, "This won't be much of a sin."

Beauty: What's in your eye when you have a bee in your...
Beauty: What's in your eye when you have a bee in your hand.