Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday October 25, 2016

A very odd pair are the Pitts: His balls are as large as...
A very odd pair are the Pitts: His balls are as large as her tits, Her tits are as large As an invasion barge-- Neither knows how the other cohabits.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

The more complex the mind, the greater the need for...
The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play. -- Kirk, "Shore Leave", stardate 3025.8

I asked the engineer who designed the communication terminal's...
I asked the engineer who designed the communication terminal's keyboards why these were not manufactured in a central facility, in view of the small number needed [1 per month] in his factory. He explained that this would be contrary to the political...

Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.

In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to,...
In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man noticed a very prim and pretty girl sitting quietly apart from the rest of the revelers. Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet conversation, said,...

Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last...
Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last words, when asked by police who had shot him 14 times with a machine gun in the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...