Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday October 30, 2016

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.

There once was a man from Calcutta Who used to beat off in...
There once was a man from Calcutta Who used to beat off in the gutta The heat of the sun Affected his gun And turned all his cream into butta!

There was a young girl named Sapphire Who succumbed to...
There was a young girl named Sapphire Who succumbed to her lover's desire. She said, "It's a sin, But now that it's in, Could you shove it a few inches higher?"

There was a young girl of Cape Cod Who dreamt she'd been...
There was a young girl of Cape Cod Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God. But it wasn't Jehovah That turned the girl over, 'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger, the bugger, the bastard, the sod!

There was a young lady from Spain Who demurely undressed on...
There was a young lady from Spain Who demurely undressed on a train. A helpful young porter Helped more than he orter, And she promptly cried "Help me again"

There was a young man from Dallas Who had an exceptional...
There was a young man from Dallas Who had an exceptional phallus. He couldn't find room In any girl's womb Without rubbing it first with Vitalis.

Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at...
Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON MAIDEN concert?

I lately lost a preposition; It hid, I thought, beneath...
I lately lost a preposition; It hid, I thought, beneath my chair And angrily I cried, "Perdition! Up from out of under there." Correctness is my vade mecum, And straggling phrases I abhor, And yet I wondered, "What should he come Up from...

The camel has a single hump; The dromedary two; Or else...
The camel has a single hump; The dromedary two; Or else the other way around. I'm never sure. Are you? -- Ogden Nash

When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death,...
When I think about myself, I almost laugh myself to death, My life has been one great big joke, Sixty years in these folks' world A dance that's walked The child I works for calls me girl A song that's spoke, I...