Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday October 16, 2016

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans...
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. -- Woody Allen

If you want to understand your government, don't begin...
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all...

If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some...
If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some. -- Ben Franklin

Never have children, only grandchildren. --...
Never have children, only grandchildren. -- Gore Vidal

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The goddam thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

A delighted, incredulous bride Remarked to her groom at...
A delighted, incredulous bride Remarked to her groom at her side : "I never could quite Believe till tonight Our anatomies would coincide."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a young man named Clyde Who fell in an outhouse,...
There once was a young man named Clyde Who fell in an outhouse, and died. He had a twin brother Who fell in another And now they're interred side by side.

Friends, Romans, Hipsters, Let me clue you in; I come to...
Friends, Romans, Hipsters, Let me clue you in; I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him. The square kicks some cats are on stay with them; The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus Gave you the message: Caesar...