Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday November 12, 2016

A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end...
A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other.

Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing...
Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The fuckin' thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl...
There once was a man named McGruder, Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder. But the girl thought it crude, To be wooed in the nude, So McGru took an oar and subduder.

There was a pianist named Liszt Who played with one hand while...
There was a pianist named Liszt Who played with one hand while he pissed, But as he grew older His technique grew bolder, And in concert jacked off with his fist.

Leslie West heads for the sticks, to Providence, Rhode Island...
Leslie West heads for the sticks, to Providence, Rhode Island and tries to hide behind a beard. No good. There are still too many people and too many stares, always taunting, always smirking. He moves to the outskirts of town. He finds a place to live...