Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday March 21, 2016

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel Who said, "They...
There once was a sad Maitre d'hotel Who said, "They can all go to hell! What they do to my wife -- Why it ruins my life; And the worst is they all do it well."

There was a young fellow named Skinner Who took a young lady...
There was a young fellow named Skinner Who took a young lady to dinner At a quarter to nine, They sat down to dine, At twenty to ten it was in her. The dinner, not Skinner -- Skinner was in her before dinner. There was a young fellow...

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!

Backward conditioning: Putting saliva in a dog's mouth...
Backward conditioning: Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.

Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last...
Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last words, when asked by police who had shot him 14 times with a machine gun in the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre.