Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday March 12, 2016

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

A distinguished professor from Swarthmore Got along with a sexy...
A distinguished professor from Swarthmore Got along with a sexy young sophomore. As quick as a glance He stripped off his pants, But he found that the sophomore'd got off more.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room...
A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, with which, and to whom.

A physical fellow named Fisk Could screw at a rate very brisk...
A physical fellow named Fisk Could screw at a rate very brisk. So fast was his action The Fitzgerald contraction Would shrink up his rod to a disk.

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a son-of-a-bitch, Neither clever, nor handsome,...
There once was a son-of-a-bitch, Neither clever, nor handsome, nor rich, Yet the girls he would dazzle, And fuck to a frazzle, And then ditch them, the son-of-a-bitch!

There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town...
There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town in an Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

There was a young fellow named Kimble Whose prick...
There was a young fellow named Kimble Whose prick was exceedingly nimble, But fragile and slender, And dainty and tender, So he kept it encased in a thimble.

There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking...
There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine. Concave or convex, It served either sex, But oh what a bitch to keep clean.

There was a young man in Norway, Tried to jerk himself off in...
There was a young man in Norway, Tried to jerk himself off in a sleigh, But the air was so frigid It froze his cock rigid, And all he could come was frappe.