Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday July 20, 2017

Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When...
Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware. -- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"

A physical fellow named Fisk Could screw at a rate very brisk...
A physical fellow named Fisk Could screw at a rate very brisk. So fast was his action The Fitzgerald contraction Would shrink up his rod to a disk.

A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on...
A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on a molehill. A curious mole Nosed into her hole -- Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill.

A reckless young lady of France Had no qualms about taking...
A reckless young lady of France Had no qualms about taking a chance, But she thought it was crude To get screwed in the nude, So she always went home with damp pants.

A thrice-married gal from L.A. Said, "My hymen's intact...
A thrice-married gal from L.A. Said, "My hymen's intact to this day, 'Cause my first (a shrink) talked of it, The voyeur only gawked at it, And my most recent man's a gourmet."