Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday October 21, 2021

I was eatin' some chop suey, With a lady in St. Louie, When...
I was eatin' some chop suey, With a lady in St. Louie, When there sudden comes a knockin' at the door. And that knocker, he says, "Honey, Roll this rocker out some money, Or your daddy shoots a baddie to the floor." -- Mr. Miggle

I went home with a waitress, The way I always do. How I was...
I went home with a waitress, The way I always do. How I was I to know? She was with the Russians too. I was gambling in Havana, I took a little risk. Send lawyers, guns, and money, Dad, get me out of this. -- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers,...

I'll grant thee random access to my heart, Thoul't tell me...
I'll grant thee random access to my heart, Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love; And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove And in our bound partition never part. Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain? Abscissas, some mantissas, modules,...

I'll learn to play the Saxophone, I play just what...
I'll learn to play the Saxophone, I play just what I feel. Drink Scotch whisky all night long, And die behind the wheel. They got a name for the winners in the world, I want a name when I lose. They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, Call me Deacon Blues...




Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some...
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. -- F. M. Hubbard

There was a young man named McNamiter With a tool of prodigious...
There was a young man named McNamiter With a tool of prodigious diameter. But it wasn't the size Gave the girls a surprise, But his rythm -- iambic pentameter.

Speaking as someone who has delved into the intricacies...
Speaking as someone who has delved into the intricacies of PL/I, I am sure that only Real Men could have written such a machine-hogging, cycle-grabbing, all-encompassing monster. Allocate an array and free the middle third? Sure! Why not? Multiply...

Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes.
Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes.

I went over to my friend, he was eatin' a pickle. I said...
I went over to my friend, he was eatin' a pickle. I said "Hi, what's happenin'?" He said "Nothin'." Try to sing this song with that kind of enthusiasm; As if you just squashed a cop. -- Arlo Guthrie, "Motorcycle...

I will not play at tug o' war. I'd rather play at hug o'...
I will not play at tug o' war. I'd rather play at hug o' war, Where everyone hugs Instead of tugs, Where everyone giggles And rolls on the rug, Where everyone kisses, And everyone grins, And everyone cuddles, And everyone wins. -- Shel...

I woke up a feelin' mean went down to play the slot machine...
I woke up a feelin' mean went down to play the slot machine the wheels turned round, and the letters read "Better head back to Tennessee Jed" -- Grateful Dead

I would like to know What I was fencing in And what I...
I would like to know What I was fencing in And what I was fencing out. -- Robert Frost