Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of September, 2021

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There once was a young man named Clyde Who fell in an outhouse,...
There once was a young man named Clyde Who fell in an outhouse, and died. He had a twin brother Who fell in another And now they're interred side by side.

There was a young lady of Kent, Who admitted she knew what...
There was a young lady of Kent, Who admitted she knew what it meant When men asked her to dine, And plied her with wine, She knew, oh she knew -- but she went!

Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but...
Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.

Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm...
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me? I am not I, I'm a tree." But another, more sane, Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!" And covered his pants leg with pee.

A beautiful lady named Psyche Is loved by a fellow named Ikey...
A beautiful lady named Psyche Is loved by a fellow named Ikey. One thing about Ike The lady can't like Is his prick, which is dreadfully spikey.

A mathematician named Hall Had a hexhedronical ball, ...
A mathematician named Hall Had a hexhedronical ball, And the square of its weight Times his pecker's, plus eight, Was four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all.

A scream from the crypt of St. Giles Resounded for miles upon...
A scream from the crypt of St. Giles Resounded for miles upon miles. Said the friar, "Good gracious, The brother Ignatious Forgeteth the abbot hath piles."

An incautious young woman named Venn Was seen with the wrong...
An incautious young woman named Venn Was seen with the wrong sort of men; She vanished one day, But the following May Her legs were retrieved from a fen. -- Edward Gorey