Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of August, 2021

There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over...
There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over his weenie. Not being uncouth, He added vermouth And slipped his amour a martini.

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There was a young lady named Clair Who possessed a magnificent...
There was a young lady named Clair Who possessed a magnificent pair; At least so I thought Till I saw one get caught On a thorn, and begin losing air.

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

You Women's Lib gals won't agree, But dependent on men you must...
You Women's Lib gals won't agree, But dependent on men you must be: You'll need a him With a rod firm and trim, To puggle your water-drains free!

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: ...
Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: One and a half.

A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised, for...
A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened...
Burnt Sienna. That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas. -- Ken Weaver

For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution --...
For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution -- and it is always wrong. -- H.L. Mencken