There was a young lady of Twickenham
Who thought men had...There was a young lady of Twickenham
Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
On her knees every day
To God she would pray
To lengthen and strengthen and thicken 'em.
A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing...A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
-- Samuel Johnson
A bad little girl in Madrid,
A most reprehensible kid,
...A bad little girl in Madrid,
A most reprehensible kid,
Told her Tante Louise
That her cunt smelled like cheese,
And the worst of it was that it did!
A girl of the Enterprise crew
Refused every offer to screw...A girl of the Enterprise crew
Refused every offer to screw.
But a Vulcan named Spock
Crawled under her smock,
And now she is eating for two.
A greedy young lady from Sidney
Liked it in up to her kidney,
...A greedy young lady from Sidney
Liked it in up to her kidney,
Till a man from Quebec
Shoved it up to her neck--
He really diddled her, didn' he?
A lady was seized with intent
To revise her existence...A lady was seized with intent
To revise her existence misspent.
So she climbed up the dome
Of St. Peter's in Rome,
Where she stayed through the following Lent.
-- Edward Gorey
A lonely young lad of Eton
Used always to sleep with the heat...A lonely young lad of Eton
Used always to sleep with the heat on,
Till he ran into a lass
Who showed him her ass --
Now they sleep with only a sheet on.
A mortician who practised in Fife
Made love to the corpse...A mortician who practised in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, did not budge--
Just the same as she'd acted in life."
An innocent maiden named Herridge
Was cruelly tricked...An innocent maiden named Herridge
Was cruelly tricked ito marriage;
When she later found out
What her spouse was about,
She threw herself under a carriage.
-- Edward Gorey
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles
Came a bellow that echoed...From deep in the crypt at St. Giles
Came a bellow that echoed for miles.
Said the rector, "My gracious,
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"