Freebsd Fortunes 3

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #8

THE SMURFS AND THE CUISINART (1986)
        The lovable little blue Smurfs encounter a lovable little kitchen
        appliance, which invites them to play.  The Smurfs learn a valuable
        (if sometimes fatal) lesson.

THE SMURFS AND THE CARBON-DIOXIDE INDUSTRIAL LASER (1987)
        The inevitable sequel.  The lovable and somewhat mangled surviving
        Smurfs team up with the Care Bears to encounter a cute, lovable piece
        of high-tech welding equipment, which teaches them the magic of
        becoming rather greasy smoke.  Heartwarming fun for the entire family.

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #9

THE PARKING PROBLEM IN PARIS:   Jean-Luc Godard, 1971, 7 hours 18 min.

        Godard's meditation on the topic has been described as
        everything from "timeless" to "endless."  (Remade by Gene
        Wilder as NO PLACE TO PARK.)

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:

It is a rule of evidence deduced from the experience of mankind and
supported by reason and authority that positive testimony is entitled to
more weight than negative testimony, but by the latter term is meant
negative testimony in its true sense and not positive evidence of a
negative, because testimony in support of a negative may be as positive
as that in support of an affirmative.
                -- 254 Pac. Rep. 472.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:

We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be
left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it
seems to us that someone has been very careless.
                -- 78 So. 365.

Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:

We think that we may take judicial notice of the fact that the term "bitch"
may imply some feeling of endearment when applied to a female of the canine
species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used when applied to a female
of the human race. Coming as it did, reasonably close on the heels of two
revolver shots directed at the person of whom it was probably used, we think
it carries every reasonable implication of ill-will toward that person.
                -- Smith v. Moran, 193 N.E. 2d 466.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:    #1

skilled oral communicator:
        Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak.  Talks to self.
        Argues with self.  Loses these arguments.

skilled written communicator:
        Scribbles well.  Memos are invariable illegible, except for
        the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.

growth potential:
        With proper guidance, periodic counseling, and remedial training,
        the reviewee may, given enough time and close supervision, meet
        the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.

key company figure:
        Serves as the perfect counter example.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:    #4

consistent:
        Reviewee hasn't gotten anything right yet, and it is anticipated
        that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.

an excellent sounding board:
        Present reviewee with any number of alternatives, and implement
        them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.

a planner and organizer:
        Usually manages to put on socks before shoes.  Can match the
        animal tags on his clothing.

FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:    #9

has management potential:
        Because of his intimate relationship with inanimate objects, the
        reviewee has been appointed to the critical position of department
        pencil monitor.

inspirational:
        A true inspiration to others.  ("There, but for the grace of God,
        go I.")

adapts to stress:
        Passes wind, water, or out depending upon the severity of the
        situation.

goal oriented:
        Continually sets low goals for himself, and usually fails
        to meet them.

Fortune favors the lucky.

Fortune finishes the great quotations, #12

        Those who can, do.  Those who can't, write the instructions.