Freebsd Fortunes 3

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #21

A:      Dr. Livingston I. Presume.
Q:      What's Dr. Presume's full name?

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31

A:      Chicken Teriyaki.
Q:      What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4

A:      Go west, young man, go west!
Q:      What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #5

A:      The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
Q:      Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.

FORTUNE REMEMBERS THE GREAT MOTHERS: #5

        "And, and, and, and, but, but, but, but!"
                -- Mrs. Janice Markowsky, April 8, 1965

FORTUNE REMEMBERS THE GREAT MOTHERS: #6

        "Johnny, if you fall and break your leg, don't come running to me!"
                -- Mrs. Emily Barstow, June 16, 1954

Fortune suggests uses for YOUR favorite UNIX commands!

Try:
        ar t "God"
        drink < bottle; opener                  (Bourne Shell)
        cat "food in tin cans"                  (all but 4.[23]BSD)
        Hey UNIX!  Got a match?                 (V6 or C shell)
        mkdir matter; cat > matter              (Bourne Shell)
        rm God
        man: Why did you get a divorce?         (C shell)
        date me                                 (anything up to 4.3BSD)
        make "heads or tails of all this"
        who is smart
                                                (C shell)
        If I had a ) for every dollar of the national debt, what would I have?
        sleep with me                           (anything up to 4.3BSD)

Fortune's current rates:

        Answers                         .10
        Long answers                    .25
        Answers requiring thought       .50
        Correct answers                 $1.00

        Dumb looks are still free.

Fortune's diet truths:
1:  Forget what the cookbooks say, plain yogurt tastes nothing like sour cream.
2:  Any recipe calling for soybeans tastes like mud.
3:  Carob is not an acceptable substitute for chocolate.  In fact, carob is not
    an acceptable substitute for anything, except, perhaps, brown shoe polish.
4:  There is no such thing as a "fun salad."  So let's stop pretending and see
    salads for what they are:  God's punishment for being fat.
5:  Fruit salad without maraschino cherries and marshmallows is about as
    appealing as tepid beer.
6:  A world lacking gravy is a tragic place!
7:  You should immediately pass up any recipes entitled "luscious and
    low-cal."  Also skip dishes featuring "lively liver."  They aren't and
    it isn't.
8:  Wearing a blindfold often makes many diet foods more palatable.
9:  Fresh fruit is not dessert.  CAKE is dessert!
10: Okra tastes slightly worse than its name implies.
11: A plain baked potato isn't worth the effort involved in chewing and
    swallowing.

Fortune's Exercising Truths:

1:  Richard Simmons gets paid to exercise like a lunatic.  You don't.
2.  Aerobic exercises stimulate and speed up the heart.  So do heart attacks.
3.  Exercising around small children can scar them emotionally for life.
4.  Sweating like a pig and gasping for breath is not refreshing.
5.  No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done
    quietly at your desk at work.  People will suspect manic tendencies as
    you twitter around in your chair.
6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys mosts is tripping joggers.
7.  Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around
    for an hour smashing a little rubber ball -- and each other -- with a hard
    racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity.
8.  Fifty push-ups, followed by thirty sit-ups, followed by ten chin-ups,
    followed by one throw-up.
9.  Any activity that can't be done while smoking should be avoided.