Freebsd Fortunes 3

Gilbert's Discovery:
        Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces
        sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.

Gil-galad was an Elven-King
of him the harpers sadly sing;
the last whose realm was fair and free
between the Mountains and the Sea.

His sword was long, his lance was keen,
his shining helm afar was seen;
the countless stars of heaven's field
were mirrored in his silver shield.

But long ago he rode away,
and where he dwelleth none can say;
for into darkness fell his star
in Mordor where the shadows are.

Ginger Snap

Ginsberg's Theorem:
        1. You can't win.
        2. You can't break even.
        3. You can't even quit the game.

Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:

        Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
        meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
        Theorem.  To wit:

        1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
        2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
        3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Ginsburg's Law:
        At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.

GIVE:   Support the helpless victims of computer error.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner.
                -- Calvin Keegan

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find
that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Give a woman an inch  and she'll park a car in it.

Give all orders verbally.  Never write anything down
that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File".