Freebsd Fortunes 3

Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center
of the universe.  The premise is wrong, but the navigation works.  An
incorrect model can be a useful tool.
                -- Kelvin Throop III

Census Taker to Housewife:
Did you ever have the measles, and, if so, how many?

Center meeting at 4pm in 2C-543.

cerebral atrophy, n:
        The phenomena which occurs as brain cells become weak and sick, and
impair the brain's performance.  An abundance of these "bad" cells can cause
symptoms related to senility, apathy, depression, and overall poor academic
performance.  A certain small number of brain cells will deteriorate due to
everday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
and the assimilation of difficult concepts.  Many college students become
victims of this dread disorder due to poor habits such as overstudying.

cerebral darwinism, n:
        The theory that the effects of cerebral atrophy can be reversed
through the purging action of heavy alcohol consumption.  Large amounts of
alcohol cause many brain cells to perish due to oxygen deprivation.  Through
the process of natural selection, the weak and sick brain cells will die
first, leaving only the healthy cells.  This wonderful process leaves the
imbiber with a healthier, more vibrant brain, and increases mental capacity.
Thus, the devastating effects of cerebral atrophy are reversed, and academic
performance actually increases beyond previous levels.

Cerebus:        I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.
Jaka:           Look, Cerebus -- Jaka has to tell you... something
Cerebus:        If Cerebus had a navel, would you lick apricot brandy out
                        of it?
Jaka:           Oooh.
Cerebus:        You don't like apricot brandy?
                -- Cerebus, #6, "The Secret"

Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long
walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They
then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
not because of their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find
only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
others who have tried it.
                -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the
most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion.  A judge of the Court of
Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which
reads, "In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground nuts) Order, the expression
nuts shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground nuts, as would
but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts (unground) (other than ground
nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground)."
                -- Guiness Book of World Records, 1973

Certainly the game is rigged.
Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
                -- Robert Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy,
But it's very funny --
did you ever try buying them without money?
                -- Ogden Nash

C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre!