Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday December 27, 2007

"To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say,...
"To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to offer in response is based on information available to make no such statement."

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything...
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. -- Mark Twain

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke...
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple...
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. -- Earl Wilson

There once was a lawyer named Rex With minuscule organs...
There once was a lawyer named Rex With minuscule organs of sex. Arraigned for exposure, He maintained with composure, "De minimis non curat lex." [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things. Ed.]

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

"That unit is a woman." "A mass of conflicting...
"That unit is a woman." "A mass of conflicting impulses." -- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9

F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway: "Ernest, the rich...
F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway: "Ernest, the rich are different from us." Hemingway: "Yes. They have more money."