Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday February 15, 2020

A lady from Old Little Rock In fidelity took little stock, ...
A lady from Old Little Rock In fidelity took little stock, And deserted her man In the streets of Japan For a boy with a prehensile cock.

A lady with features cherubic Was famed for her area pubic...
A lady with features cherubic Was famed for her area pubic. When they asked her its size She replied in surprise, "Are you speaking of square feet, or cubic?"

A lass at the foot of her class Asked a brainier chick how...
A lass at the foot of her class Asked a brainier chick how to pass. She replied, "With no fuss You can get a B-plus, By letting the prof pat your ass."

A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots...
A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em. But instead of a fine He would stand them in line, With his common-law tool to impale 'em.

A lonely young lad of Eton Used always to sleep with the heat...
A lonely young lad of Eton Used always to sleep with the heat on, Till he ran into a lass Who showed him her ass -- Now they sleep with only a sheet on.

A milkmaid there was, with a stutter, Who was lonely and wanted...
A milkmaid there was, with a stutter, Who was lonely and wanted a futter. She had nowhere to turn, So she diddled a churn, And managed to come with the butter.

A newlywed couple from Goshen Spent their honeymoon sailing...
A newlywed couple from Goshen Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean. In twenty-eight days They got laid eighty ways -- Imagine such fucking devotion!

A notorious whore named Ms. Hearst, In the pleasures of men...
A notorious whore named Ms. Hearst, In the pleasures of men was well-versed. Reads the sign o'er the head Of her well-rumpled bed "The customer always comes first."

A nudist resort at Benares Took a midget in all unawares...
A nudist resort at Benares Took a midget in all unawares. But he made members weep For he just couldn't keep His nose out of private affairs.

A princess who reigned in Baroda Made her home on a purple...
A princess who reigned in Baroda Made her home on a purple pagoda. She festooned the walls Of her halls with the balls And the tools of the fools who be-stroda'.

A romantic attraction has clung To a chap of whom damsels have...
A romantic attraction has clung To a chap of whom damsels have sung: "'Tis the Scourge from the East, That lascivious beast Who was known as Attila the Hung!"

A savvy young hooker named Gail Got busted and lodged in...
A savvy young hooker named Gail Got busted and lodged in the jail. But the jailer got hot, To be lodged in her twat, And so Gail made the bail with her tail.

A spinster in Kalamazoo Once strolled after dark by the zoo...
A spinster in Kalamazoo Once strolled after dark by the zoo. She was seized by the nape, And fucked by an ape, And she murmured, "A wonderful screw." And she added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy, But I hope -- yes I do --...

A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blond...
A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blond to his yacht. Too lazy to rape her, He made darts out of paper, Which he leisurely tossed at her twat.

A whimsical fellow named Bloch Could beat the base drum with...
A whimsical fellow named Bloch Could beat the base drum with his cock. With a special erection He could play a selection From Johann Sebastian Bach.

A worn-out young husband named Lehr Her daily his wife's...
A worn-out young husband named Lehr Her daily his wife's plaintive prayer: "Slip on a sheath, quick, Then slip your big dick Between these lips covered with hair."

A worried young man from Stamboul Discovered red spots on...
A worried young man from Stamboul Discovered red spots on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."

An amazon giantess named Dunne Let a midget screw her for fun...
An amazon giantess named Dunne Let a midget screw her for fun. But the poor little runt Was engulfed in her cunt And re-born as the twin of his son.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views...
There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views on marriage. He sucked off his brother, Fucked his own mother, And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There were three young ladies of Birmingham, And this is...
There were three young ladies of Birmingham, And this is the scandal concerning 'em. They lifted the frock And tickled the cock Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em. Now, the Bishop was nobody's fool, He'd been to a good public...