Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday April 30, 2020

A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: ...
A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: At a masquerade ball, Dressed in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker House roll.

A habit obscene and unsavory, Holds a CS professor in slavery...
A habit obscene and unsavory, Holds a CS professor in slavery. With maniacal howls, He deflowers young owls, That he keeps in an underground aviary.

I will not drink! But if I do... I will not get drunk! But if...
I will not drink! But if I do... I will not get drunk! But if I do... I will not in public! But if I do... I will not fall down! But if I do... I will fall face down so that they cannot see my company badge.

I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.
I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.

I'd like to meet the guy who invented beer and see what he's...
I'd like to meet the guy who invented beer and see what he's working on now.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal...
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy. -- Fred Allen [Also attributed to S. Clay Wilson. Ed.]

Vulcans do not approve of violence. -- Spock,...
Vulcans do not approve of violence. -- Spock, "Journey to Babel", stardate 3842.4