Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday April 24, 2020

At a contest for farting in Butte One lady's exertion was cute...
At a contest for farting in Butte One lady's exertion was cute : It won the diploma For fetid aroma, And three judges were felled by the brute.

From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed...
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed for miles. Said the rector, "My gracious, Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"

The old archeologist, Throstle, Discovered a marvelous fossil...
The old archeologist, Throstle, Discovered a marvelous fossil. He knew from its bend And the knot on the end, T'was the penis of Paul the Apostle.

There once was a clergyman's daughter Who detested the pony...
There once was a clergyman's daughter Who detested the pony he bought her, Till she found that its dong Was as hard and as long As the prayers her father had taught her. She married a fellow named Tony Who soon found her fucking...

There once was a fag of Khartoom Who spent the night in...
There once was a fag of Khartoom Who spent the night in a Lesbians room. They argued all night, Over who had the right, To do what, and with which, and to whom.

There once was a fairy named Avers Who encircled his cock with...
There once was a fairy named Avers Who encircled his cock with lifesavers. Though buggers all claimed That their asses were maimed, Sixy-niners all cheered the new flavors.

There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over...
There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over his weenie. Not being uncouth, He added vermouth And slipped his amour a martini.

There once was a gaucho named Bruno, Who said, "About sex,...
There once was a gaucho named Bruno, Who said, "About sex, well, I do know, Sheep are just fine, Chickens, divine, But iguanas are Numero Uno."

There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out...
There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out of brass. When they clanged together, They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly...
There once was a reverend at Kings Whose mind 'twas on heavenly things. But his heart was on fire For a boy in the choir Whose buns were like jelly on springs.

There was an old Scot named McTavish Who attempted...
There was an old Scot named McTavish Who attempted an anthropoid ravish. The object of rape Was the wrong sex of ape, And the anthropoid ravished McTavish.

There was an old pirate named Bates Who was learning to rhumba...
There was an old pirate named Bates Who was learning to rhumba on skates He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless And practically useless on dates.

There was an old satyr named Mack Whose prick had a left handed...
There was an old satyr named Mack Whose prick had a left handed tack. If the ladies he loves Don't spin when he shoves, Their cervixes frequently crack.

There was an old whore from Silesia Who'd croke: "If...
There was an old whore from Silesia Who'd croke: "If my box doesn't please ya, For a slight extra sum You can go up my bum But watchout or my tapeworm'll seize ya."

There were three young ladies of Birmingham, And this is...
There were three young ladies of Birmingham, And this is the scandal concerning 'em. They lifted the frock And tickled the cock Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em. Now, the Bishop was nobody's fool, He'd been to a good public...

There's a dowager near Sweden Landing Whose manners are odd...
There's a dowager near Sweden Landing Whose manners are odd and demanding. It's one of her jests To suck off her guests -- She hates to keep gentlemen standing.

There's a sports-minded coed named Sue, Who's been coxing...
There's a sports-minded coed named Sue, Who's been coxing the varsity crew. In the shell Sue is great, But her boyfriend's irate, When she calls out the stroke as they screw.

When you fuck little Annie in Anza You get a great bossom...
When you fuck little Annie in Anza You get a great bossom bonanza: Sucking Annie's soft tits Makes her throw fifty fits, And the fuck is a sextravaganza!