Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Monday December 3, 2007

Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with a baseball bat.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with a baseball bat.

Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace...
Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. War is peace. -- George Orwell

History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions...
History shows that the human mind, fed by constant accessions of knowledge, periodically grows too large for its theoretical coverings, and bursts them asunder to appear in new habiliments, as the feeding and growing grub, at intervals, casts its...

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States...
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. -- Francis Bellamy, 1892

I was appalled by this story of the destruction of a member...
I was appalled by this story of the destruction of a member of a valued endangered species. It's all very well to celebrate the practicality of pigs by ennobling the porcine sibling who constructed his home out of bricks and mortar. But to wantonly...

If people have to choose between freedom and sandwiches,...
If people have to choose between freedom and sandwiches, they will take sandwiches. -- Lord Boyd-orr Eats first, morals after. -- Bertolt Brecht, "The Threepenny Opera"

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as...
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's...

In our civilization, and under our republican form...
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should...
It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles. -- George Bernard Shaw

It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker...
It pays in England to be a revolutionary and a bible-smacker most of one's life and then come round. -- Lord Alfred Douglas