Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Friday December 7, 2007

... we must be wary of granting too much power to natural...
... we must be wary of granting too much power to natural selection by viewing all basic capacities of our brain as direct adaptations. I do not doubt that natural selection acted in building our oversized brains -- and I am equally confident that...

... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided...
... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent observations and inferences by the thousands. The earth is billions of years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary descent. Scientists stand accused...

Psychologists think they're experimental...
Psychologists think they're experimental psychologists. Experimental psychologists think they're biologists. Biologists think they're biochemists. Biochemists think they're chemists. Chemists think they're physical chemists. Physical chemists think...

The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their...
The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture. -- Elbert Hubbard

The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to...
The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars.

The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us, the Universe.
The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us, the Universe.

The universe is all a spin-off of the Big Bang.
The universe is all a spin-off of the Big Bang.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers...
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this...

There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several...
There is grandeur in this view of life, with its several powers, having been originally breathed into a few forms or into one; and that, whilst this planet has gone cycling on according to the fixed law of gravity, from so simple a beginning endless...

There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural...
There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon, however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable. Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be discovered in the laboratory, and...

This universe shipped by weight, not by volume. Some expansion...
This universe shipped by weight, not by volume. Some expansion of the contents may have occurred during shipment.

Three great scientific theories of the structure of...
Three great scientific theories of the structure of the universe are the molecular, the corpuscular and the atomic. A fourth affirms, with Haeckel, the condensation or precipitation of matter from ether -- whose existence is proved by the condensation...

All I need to have a good time, Is a reefer, a woman and...
All I need to have a good time, Is a reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine. With those three things I don't need no sunshine, A reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine. All I want is to never grow old, I want to wash in a bathtub of gold. I want 97 kilos...

All that you touch, And all you create,...
All that you touch, And all you create, All that you see, And all you destroy, All that you taste, All that you do, All you feel, And all you say, And all that...

And as we stand on the edge of darkness Let our chant fill...
And as we stand on the edge of darkness Let our chant fill the void That others may know In the land of the night The ship of the sun Is drawn by The grateful dead. -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead,"...

And in the heartbreak years that lie ahead, Be true to yourself...
And in the heartbreak years that lie ahead, Be true to yourself and the Grateful Dead. -- Joan Baez

And... What in the world ever became of Sweet Jane? ...
And... What in the world ever became of Sweet Jane? She's lost her sparkle, you see she isn't the same. Livin' on reds, vitamin C, and cocaine All a friend can say is "Ain't it a shame?" -- The Grateful...

Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide, The bums drop dead...
Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide, The bums drop dead and the dogs go mad in packs on the West Side, A young girl standing on a ledge, looks like another suicide, She wants to hit those bricks, 'cause the news at six got to stick to...

Boy, get your head out of the stars above, You get the maximum...
Boy, get your head out of the stars above, You get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love. Save your heart and let your body be enough, To get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love. Save your heart and let your body be enough, And get...