Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Thursday December 6, 2007

I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas. A Chihuahua isn't...
I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas. A Chihuahua isn't a dog. It's a rat with a thyroid problem.

The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by...
The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlying memo and go to file.

Q: What happens when four WASPs find themselves in...
Q: What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room? A: A dinner party.

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday,...
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. -- William Bragg

Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.

I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call...
I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail to discover; hidden laws...

If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know...
In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen...

In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician,...
In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician, created by the Great Mathamatical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist. And they grew to large numbers and prospered. One day they looked up in the heavens and desired to reach up...

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space,...
Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is described as being n-dimensional. Like modern sex, any number can play. -- Dr. Thor Wald, "Beep/The Quincunx of Time", by James Blish

More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads...
More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. -- Woody Allen, "Side...