Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Saturday February 15, 2020

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence...
A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence misspent. So she climbed up the dome Of St. Peter's in Rome, Where she stayed through the following Lent. -- Edward Gorey

A maiden who lived in Virginny Had a cunt that could bark,...
A maiden who lived in Virginny Had a cunt that could bark, neigh and whinny. The horsey set rushed her, But success finally crushed her For her tone soon became harsh and tinny.

A programmer down in Moline Said, I'm the match for...
A programmer down in Moline Said, I'm the match for any machine. My secret's aversion, To loops and recursion, Just acres of in-line routine. -- W.J. Wilson

A silly young man from Hong Kong Had hands that were skinny...
A silly young man from Hong Kong Had hands that were skinny and long. He ate rice with his fingers-- The taste of it lingers, But now all his fingers are gone.

A water pipe suited miss Hunt; She used it for many a bunt...
A water pipe suited miss Hunt; She used it for many a bunt. But the unlucky wench Got it caught in her trench --- It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, To get the thing out of her cunt.

A water pipe suited miss Hunt; She used it for many a bunt...
A water pipe suited miss Hunt; She used it for many a bunt. But the unlucky wench Got it caught in her trench --- It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, To get the thing out of her cunt.

From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed...
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed for miles. Said the rector, "My gracious, Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"

There once was a man from Dunoon, Who always ate soup with...
There once was a man from Dunoon, Who always ate soup with a fork. He said "When I eat Either fish, foul or flesh, I otherwise finish too quick."

There once was a member of Mensa Who was a most excellent...
There once was a member of Mensa Who was a most excellent fencer. The sword that he used Was his -- (line is refused, And has now been removed by the censor).

There once was a spaceman named Spock Who had a huge Vulcanized...
There once was a spaceman named Spock Who had a huge Vulcanized cock. A girl from Missouri Whose name was Uhura Just fainted away from the shock.

There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years...
There once was a young man from France Who waited ten years for his chance; Then he muffed it...

There was a young curate whose brain Was deranged from the...
There was a young curate whose brain Was deranged from the use of cocaine; He lured a small child To a copse dark and wild, Where he beat it to death with his cane. -- Edward Gorey

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."