Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Saturday July 31, 2021

A broken-down harlot named Tupps Was heard to confess in...
A broken-down harlot named Tupps Was heard to confess in her cups: "The height of my folly Was fucking a collie -- But I got a nice price for the pups."

A middle-aged codger named Bruin Found his love life completely...
A middle-aged codger named Bruin Found his love life completely in ruin, For he flirted with flirts Wearing pants and no skirts, And he never got in for no screwin'.

There was a young lady from Siam Who said to her lover,...
There was a young lady from Siam Who said to her lover, one Kiam, "You may kiss me of course, But you'll have to use force. Though god knows you're stronger than I am."

There was a young lady from Spain Who got sick as she rode on...
There was a young lady from Spain Who got sick as she rode on a train; Not once, but again, And again, and again, And again, and again, and again.

$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become...
$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes...
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight...
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. -- Bill Vaughan

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out...
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. -- Henrik Ibsen