Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Thursday February 22, 2024

A charmer from old Amarillo, Sick of finding strange heads...
A charmer from old Amarillo, Sick of finding strange heads on her pillow, Decided one day That to keep men away She would stuff up her crevice with Brillo.

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The goddam thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

A farmer I know named O'Doole Had a long and incredible tool...
A farmer I know named O'Doole Had a long and incredible tool. He can use it to plow, Or to diddle a cow, Or just as a cue-stick at pool.

A haughty young wench of Del Norte Would fuck only men over...
A haughty young wench of Del Norte Would fuck only men over forty. Said she, "It's too quick With a young fellow's prick; I like it to last, and be warty."

A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence...
A lady was seized with intent To revise her existence misspent. So she climbed up the dome Of St. Peter's in Rome, Where she stayed through the following Lent. -- Edward Gorey

A milkmaid there was, with a stutter, Who was lonely and wanted...
A milkmaid there was, with a stutter, Who was lonely and wanted a futter. She had nowhere to turn, So she diddled a churn, And managed to come with the butter.

There once was a lawyer named Rex With minuscule organs...
There once was a lawyer named Rex With minuscule organs of sex. Arraigned for exposure, He maintained with composure, "De minimis non curat lex." [Trans: the law does not concern itself with small things. Ed.]