Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday December 23, 2016

A man said to the Universe: "Sir,...
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane

A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into...
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a young man named Gene, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a young man named Gene, Who invented a screwing machine. Concave and convex, It served either sex, And it played with itself inbetween.

There was a fat man from Rangoon Whose prick was much like...
There was a fat man from Rangoon Whose prick was much like a ballon. He tried hard to ride her And when finally inside her She thought she was pregnant too soon.

Honi soit la vache qui rit.
Honi soit la vache qui rit.

Klatu barada nikto.
Klatu barada nikto.