Freebsd Fortunes

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"

"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
sense of obligation."
                -- Stephen Crane

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.

A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
fall over gently onto their backs.
                -- Audobon Society Magazine

2001-02-02, from http://news.bbc.co.uk:

For five weeks, a team from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS)
monitored 1,000 king penguins on the island of South Georgia as
Lynx helicopters passed overhead.

"Not one king penguin fell over when the helicopters came over,"
said team leader Dr Richard Stone.

"As the aircraft approached, the birds went quiet and stopped
calling to each other, and adolescent birds that were not associated
with nests began walking away from the noise. Pure animal instinct,
really."

The conclusion, said Dr Stone, is that flights over 305 metres
(1,000 feet) caused "only minor and transitory ecological effects"
on king penguins.

A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out
on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed
loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom
do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"

A new dramatist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
        I learn from my spies
        He's about to devise
An unprintable three-letter word.

A new koan:

        If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.

        If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.

It is an ice cream koan.

A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a round tuit now
has no excuse for further procrastination.

A New York City judge ruled that if two women behind you at the movies
insist on discussing the probable outcome of the film, you have the
right to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.

A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.