Humor: Best of Fortunes for Friday December 30, 2016

"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants...
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered."

God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead ...
God is Dead -- Nietzsche Nietzsche is Dead -- God Nietzsche is God -- The Dead

God is real, unless declared integer.
God is real, unless declared integer.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't...
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with...
Prof: So the American government went to IBM to come up with a data encryption standard and they came up with ... Student: EBCDIC!

And tomorrow will be like today, only more so...
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. -- Isaiah 56:12, New Standard Version

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died...
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. -- Erma Bombeck

There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with...
There was a young harlot from Kew Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it too."

While out on a date in his Fiat, The man exclaimed...
While out on a date in his Fiat, The man exclaimed "Where's my key at?" As he bent down to seek, She let out a shriek: "That's not where it's likely to be at."

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light...
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to...

When you and I are far apart Can sorrow break your tender...
When you and I are far apart Can sorrow break your tender heart? I love you darling, yes I do; Sleep is so sweet when I dream of you; All you are is a blossoming rose. Night is here so I must close. With care read the first word of each line. You will...

The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN...
The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...