Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday April 2, 2016

JACK AND THE BEANSTACK by Mark...
JACK AND THE BEANSTACK by Mark Isaak Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL character named Jack. Jack and his relations were poor. Often their hash table was bare. One day Jack's parent said...

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There was a young man of Saskatchewan, Whose penis was truly...
There was a young man of Saskatchewan, Whose penis was truly gargantuan. It was good for large whores, And for small dinosaurs, And was rough enough to scratch a match upon.

There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to...
There was a young sailor from Brighton, Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one." She replied, "'Pon my soul, You're in the wrong hole; There's plenty of room in the right one."

If you're careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen...
If you're careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.