Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday March 6, 2018

William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split...
William Safire's Rules for Writers: Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out...

A middle-aged codger named Bruin Found his love life completely...
A middle-aged codger named Bruin Found his love life completely in ruin, For he flirted with flirts Wearing pants and no skirts, And he never got in for no screwin'.

There was a young maiden from Osset Whose quim was nine inches...
There was a young maiden from Osset Whose quim was nine inches across it. Said a young man named Tong, With tool nine inches long, "I'll put bugger-in if I loss it."

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

There was an old abbess quite shocked To find nuns where...
There was an old abbess quite shocked To find nuns where the candles were locked. Said the abbess, "You nuns Should behave more like guns, And never go off till you're cocked."

Entropy has us outnumbered.
Entropy has us outnumbered.