Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday September 14, 2020

If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory...
If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. -- Benjamin Disraeli

There once was a fellow named Bob Who in sexual ways was...
There once was a fellow named Bob Who in sexual ways was a snob. One day he was swimmin' With twelve naked women And deserted them all for a gob.

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth Who screwed every...
There was a young girl of Aberystwyth Who screwed every man that she kissed with. She tickled the balls Of the men in the halls, And pulled on the prongs that they pissed with.

I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD,...
I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!

Ginger snap.
Ginger snap.

Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.
Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were playing a friendly game...
Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were playing a friendly game of Frisbee at the Gates estate on the shore of Lake Washington. At one point, Bill accidentally sends the Frisbee over Steve's head, and the Frisbee lands in the lake. Steve walks out onto...

If Microsoft built cars, the Linux community would make a...
If Microsoft built cars, the Linux community would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, and available freely - but only 5 percent of the people would use it.

Microsoft Fortune v1.1 (c) 1901-1998 by Microsoft, Corp.,...
Microsoft Fortune v1.1 (c) 1901-1998 by Microsoft, Corp., Redmond, USA FORTUNE caused a general protection fault in module FORTUNE at 0123:4567. Press [ OK ] to reboot.