Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday March 14, 2021

A guest in a household quite charmless Was informed...
A guest in a household quite charmless Was informed its eccentric was harmless: "If you're caught unawares At the head of the stairs, Just remember, he's eyeless and armless." -- Edward Gorey

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled lots of gin on his weeney So just to be couth He added vermouth And slipped his best girl a martini.

There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views...
There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views on marriage. He sucked off his brother, Fucked his own mother, And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a newspaper vendor, A person of dubious gender...
There once was a newspaper vendor, A person of dubious gender. He would charge one-and-two For permission to view His remarkable double pudenda.