Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of August, 2023

A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: ...
A corpulent maiden named Kroll Had a notion exceedingly droll: At a masquerade ball, Dressed in nothing at all, She backed in as a Parker House roll.

A despairing old landlord named Fyfe, With a frigid...
A despairing old landlord named Fyfe, With a frigid and quarrelsome wife, Let his third-story front, To a willing young cunt, Who supplied him a new lease on life!

There once was a young man named Lancelot Whom the townsfolk...
There once was a young man named Lancelot Whom the townsfolk would look at askance a lot For when he should pass A desirable lass The front of his pants would advance a lot.

There was a young lady of Kent, Who admitted she knew what...
There was a young lady of Kent, Who admitted she knew what it meant When men asked her to dine, And plied her with wine, She knew, oh she knew -- but she went!

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of...
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

Technological progress has merely provided us with more...
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. -- Aldous Huxley

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in...
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. -- Dr. Laurence J. Peter

He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows...
He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend's wife's brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.

Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with...
Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions, wins few friends, Germans excepted. -- Darwin Porter "Scandinavia On $50 A Day"

Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about...
Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe we should think only about today. Charlie Brown: No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday will get better.