Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday July 29, 2024

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======================================================================= || || || The FORTUNE-COOKIE program is soon to be a Major Motion Picture! || || Watch for it at a theater...

A Frenchman who lived in Alsace Had sex with a virgin named...
A Frenchman who lived in Alsace Had sex with a virgin named Grace. When he popped her cherry, She made things hairy By bleeding all over his face.

There was a young man from Calcutta Who was heard in his beard...
There was a young man from Calcutta Who was heard in his beard to mutter, "If her Bartholin glands Don't respond to my hands, I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."

There was a young man of Greenwich Whose balls were all covered...
There was a young man of Greenwich Whose balls were all covered with spinach. So long was his tool That it wound round a spool, And he let it out inach by inach.

"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn...
"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn. By accident I put the car key in the door lock. The house started up. So I figured what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times. I thought I should go park it in the middle...

Under the wide and starry sky, Dig my grave and let...
Under the wide and starry sky, Dig my grave and let me lie, Glad did I live and gladly die, And laid me down with a will, And this be the verse that you grave for me, Here he lies where he longed to be, Home is the sailor home from the sea, And...