Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of June, 2013

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, While wiping his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

"Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and...
"Thirty days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder. all the rest have peanut butter except my father who wears red suspenders."

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.

It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up...
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star...
Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. -- W. Clement Stone

I think the world is ready for the story of an ugly duckling,...
I think the world is ready for the story of an ugly duckling, who grew up to remain an ugly duckling, and lived happily ever after. -- Chick

In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force...
May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.