Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2013

There was a young man from Peru, Who took a long trip...
There was a young man from Peru, Who took a long trip by canoe. While staring at Venus, And rubbing his penis, He wound up with a handful of goo.

"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'" ...
"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'" -- Dr. Who

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person...
Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.

Brucify, v: 1: Kill by nailing onto style(9);...
Brucify, v: 1: Kill by nailing onto style(9); "David O'Brien was brucified" 2: Annoy constantly by reminding of potential improvements [syn: {torment}, {rag}, {tantalize}, {bedevil}, {dun}, {frustrate}] ...

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first...
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix...
Get GUMMed --- ------ The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076 (check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will...

How doth the VAX's C-compiler Improve its object code. And even...
How doth the VAX's C-compiler Improve its object code. And even as we speak does it Increase the system load. How patiently it seems to run And spit out error flags, While users, with frustration, all Tear all their clothes to rags.

Talkers are no good doers. -- William...
Talkers are no good doers. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"

Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
Bridge ahead. Pay troll.