Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2013

There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views...
There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views on marriage. He sucked off his brother, Fucked his own mother, And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long...
There was a young man from Nantucket Whose cock was so long he could suck it. But he looked in the glass, And saw his own ass, And broke his neck trying to fuck it.

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's...
Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze - Hellman's Mayonnaise

Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis...
Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis and going around the sun. At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but, when evidence for a theory becomes so overwhelming that no informed person can doubt it, it is customary...

Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing...
Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing. -- Hunter S. Thompson

GURU: A person in T-shirt and sandals who took...
GURU: A person in T-shirt and sandals who took an elevator ride with a senior vice-president and is ultimately responsible for the phone call you are about to receive from your boss.