Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of April, 2013

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make...
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with none.

Baruch's Observation: If all you have is a hammer,...
Baruch's Observation: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small...
Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be yours too." -- Dave Haynie

For what it's worth, if you -can- get Michelle Pfeiffer...
For what it's worth, if you -can- get Michelle Pfeiffer to model a latex daemon suit for the catalog, I strongly suggest you do. Breasts can sell anything. Shiny red latex body suits start religions. -- Brian McGroarty...

Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.

One Page Principle: A specification that will not...
One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. -- Mark Ardis

Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!) Awoke one night from...
Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!) Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace, And saw, within the moonlight in his room, Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom, An angel writing in a book of gold. Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold, And...

Duckies are fun!
Duckies are fun!