Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday March 1, 2014

It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to...
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.

There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in...
There once was a miner named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave. She was ugly as shit, And missing one tit, But think of the money he saves.

There once was a sailor named Gasted, A swell guy, as long...
There once was a sailor named Gasted, A swell guy, as long as he lasted, He could jerk himself off In a basket, aloft, Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.

There once was a yokel of Beaconsfield Engaged to look after...
There once was a yokel of Beaconsfield Engaged to look after the deacon's field, But he lurked in the ditches And diddled the bitches Who happened to cross that antique 'un's field.

There once was a young girl from Natches Who chanced to be born...
There once was a young girl from Natches Who chanced to be born with two snatches She often said, "Shit! I'd give either tit For a guy with equipment that matches."

There once was an Arpanet freak, Who better response-time...
There once was an Arpanet freak, Who better response-time did seek. He searched coast to coast, For a reliable host, Whose logger took less than a week.