Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday October 24, 2017

"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" ...
"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of...
Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin...
There once was a man named McSweeny Who spilled some raw gin on his weeny. Just to be couth, He added vermouth, And slipped his girlfriend a martini.

There was a young bride, a Canuck, Told her husband,...
There was a young bride, a Canuck, Told her husband, "Let's do more than suck. You say that I, maybe, Can have my first baby-- Let's give up this Frenchin' and fuck!"

But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?