Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2022

There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out...
There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out of brass. When they clanged together, They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.

A plumber whose name was John Brink Plumbed the cook as...
A plumber whose name was John Brink Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink. Her resistance was stout, And John Brink petered out, With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.

There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young...
There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em. As they knelt on the hassock He lifted his cassock And slipped his episcopal worm in 'em.

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

There was a young man in Havana, Banged his girl on...
There was a young man in Havana, Banged his girl on a player-piana. At the height of their fever Her ass hit the lever And: yes, he has no banana.

There was a young man named Crockett Whose balls got caught...
There was a young man named Crockett Whose balls got caught in a socket. His wife was a bitch So she threw the switch, And Crockett went off like a rocket.

This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!

Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages...
Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more "user-friendly". ... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, "user-friendly" on the cover. -- Bill...

DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive...
DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?! Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system? You can! Just mail to "fortune" with the fortune you hate most, and we MIGHT make sure it gets expunged.

Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.