Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday April 27, 2023

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence (1) Never use...
Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence (1) Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb; use the stairs. (2) When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit the ground. (3) If you're on fire,...

Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone...
Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of flouride as a child...

Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose...
Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. -- Laurence J. Peter

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship...
Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H.L. Mencken

There once was a girl named Irene Who lived on distilled...
There once was a girl named Irene Who lived on distilled kerosene But she started absorbin' A new hydrocarbon And since then has never benzene.

There was a young man, name of Fred, Who spent every Thursday...
There was a young man, name of Fred, Who spent every Thursday in bed; He lay with his feet Outside of the sheet, And the pillows on top of his head. -- Edward Gorey