Humor: Best of Fortunes for Sunday April 2, 2023

Are you sure the back door is locked?
Are you sure the back door is locked?

There was a young man of Darjeeling Whose cock reached up...
There was a young man of Darjeeling Whose cock reached up to the ceiling. In the electric light socket, He'd put it and rock it-- Oh God! What a wonderful feeling!

There was a young woman named Sutton Who said, as she carved...
There was a young woman named Sutton Who said, as she carved up the mutton, "My father preferred The last sheep in the herd -- This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through...
A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair.

A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised, for...
A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around...
Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been...
A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal sized billiard balls. -- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS: 1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR...
A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS: 1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES. Your...

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of...
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash

Ladles and Jellyspoons! I come before you to stand behind...
Ladles and Jellyspoons! I come before you to stand behind you, To tell you something I know nothing about. Since next Thursday will be Good Friday, There will be a fathers' meeting, for mothers only. Wear your best clothes, if you don't have any,...