Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday February 12, 2007

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would...
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your Feet wet. Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face. -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"

A good reputation is more valuable than money...
A good reputation is more valuable than money. -- Publilius Syrus

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step...
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. -- Lao Tsu

In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with...
In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he? I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda S-O-D-A soda I saw the little runt sitting...

God created woman. And boredom did indeed cease from that...
God created woman. And boredom did indeed cease from that moment -- but many other things ceased as well. Woman was God's second mistake. -- Nietzsche

Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside. Her voice...
Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make before I go. I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe... I spent...

The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die...
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.

There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary...
There are no great men, only great challenges that ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet. -- Admiral William Halsey

A man is like a rusty wheel on a rusty cart, He sings his song...
A man is like a rusty wheel on a rusty cart, He sings his song as he rattles along and then he falls apart. -- Richard Thompson

All my friends are getting married, Yes, they're all growing...
All my friends are getting married, Yes, they're all growing old, They're all staying home on the weekend, They're all doing what they're told.

But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must...
But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. -- Hilaire Belloc

By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing and...
By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing and he vows his passion is infinite, undying -- Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying. -- Dorothy Parker, "Unfortunate Coincidence"

Every night my prayers I say, And get my dinner every...
Every night my prayers I say, And get my dinner every day; And every day that I've been good, I get an orange after food. The child that is not clean and neat, With lots of toys and things to eat, He is a naughty child, I'm...

I never saw a purple cow I never hope to see one But I can tell...
I never saw a purple cow I never hope to see one But I can tell you anyhow I'd rather see than be one. -- Gellett Burgess I've never seen a purple cow I never hope to see one But from the milk we're getting now There certainly must...